i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
