Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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