Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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