Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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