Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
