I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
