On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
