Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
