my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
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I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
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If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
as a side note pls kill me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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