I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize