she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
