Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
