The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize