I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
