I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
