Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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