He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
God, I missed his penis.
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