so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
time to smoke my breakfast
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
