South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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