i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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