I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
