Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
