there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
