saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
