WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
