What did we do last night that was yellow?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
