If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
