I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
