she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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