You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
