Yo dont text me then not text me
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
