Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
