I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
