Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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