..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
