So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize