The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
