do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
