At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
