he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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