I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
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You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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