I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
