Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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