Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
