Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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