You smell like a Billy Joel song
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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