Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
