Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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