i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
