tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
