You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
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