Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
