How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
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Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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