I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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