I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
