Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
