I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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