Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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