her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
