I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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