Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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