Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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