Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
