She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
