my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
