I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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