Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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