Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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