Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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