I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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