you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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