My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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