we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
