Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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