just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
