They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
