IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
