last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
