i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
