I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
